So you're walking down the street and this hoodrat comes up to you and starts asking, "How do you survive in South Central Los Angeles?" You already know the answer but the question makes you feel dumb, so don't even try. Here are some survival tips for the uninitiated:

 

Rule number one: Don't give them your wallet. Rule number two: Don't let them talk you into anything you don't want to do. They will try to get you into drugs, prostitution, shooting, or doing anything they can to manipulate you into doing something they want. If you know you don't want to do it, don't do it.

 

Rule number three: If you get pulled over and they ask you for identification, make sure you don't give them your wallet. That's just a tip and a half. When you're pulled over in South Central Los Angeles, if you have your wallet out and they ask you for identification, make sure you don't give them your wallet. Cause if so, that is a sure fire way to get yourself killed and you won't survive in South Central Los Angeles, or anywhere for that matter.

How to Survive in South Central Los Angeles (Stinkin' Smackin' Man)

 

Rule number four: If you're in South Central Los Angeles, don't ever try to handle any of the police officers that are pulling you over for your outstanding traffic ticket. You will not survive the encounter. The Officers are trained to kill anybody that gets too close to them. If they have to kill you, they will.

 

Rule number five: If you have small children with you, then you must take a close look, at a very close look, at the license plate number. That is the number that will give you away if they ever stop you for speeding. So, they will see your children's names on there and they will be looking for you and your car at the same time. In fact, if you are the fastest car in your subdivision, you will probably get a ticket from the cop for going fifty whacks over the limit, or something similar to that. So, if you see the license plate on your way to work in the morning, don't speed, or you will be gone before you hit the ground.

 

Rule number three: If you see a lot of women in your neighborhood that are dressed in high heel shoes, then you better start looking for some good ladies' car to drive home in. There are always a few guys looking for a quick easy way to start trouble in a neighborhood, and the ladies' car is usually the target. Also, if you are a builder in the area, then you should know How To Survive In South Central because it is a breeding ground for all kinds of construction related things.

 

Rule number four: You need to make sure that you are getting your black belt on a regular basis. Most people in South Central Los Angeles are very up to date on the rules of their Kung Fu, so just for fun, figure out how many kids you have to babysit for a black belt. If you get it wrong, then you won't be able to move forward in your life.

 

Rule number five: The only reason why you are staying in south central is cause you have more money than anybody else. You might as well live in San Pedro, if it means you have the money. Besides, everybody in the neighborhood knows that you are the boss. So you better watch what you say around people if you want to move forward in life.

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